15  September 2007 -  Jacksonville, Florida USA                                        

 

What Do I expect from a Friend?

Believe it or not, for the life of me I have had the good intention in making friends. I have never (I repeat never) made friends with a particular person just because she can generously afford to shower me with fabulous gifts or just because she is beautiful and popular, lives in mansion, drives the coolest car or that she has everything I wish I could have and want in this world.

Rather, I make friends with just about anyone (regardless of age and status in life) whom I can trust to share my deepest thoughts, my life’s ups and downs without fear of being ridiculed and subject of gossips.

So if you were one of my friends, I expect you to be trustworthy, sincere and candid with me. If you have something against me or if I say/write something that offended you or I did something that completely turned you off, pissed you off, whatever, I’d rather you tell me upfront than talk bad behind my back.  I have no problem owning my own actions, admitting my mistakes, making amends and apologizing if I am wrong. … just don’t betray me because once my trust to you is broken our friendship is never going to be the same again.

Here’s my belief: If your “friend” is making a habit of talking something malicious about the life of just about everyone she knows including her own set of friends, don’t fool yourself believing that she isn’t gossiping about you as well. Chances are, 99% of the time she is a back stabber!

Oki, we don’t live in a perfect world and nobody is perfect. We all have our faults and insecurities which is a common denominator in all human races. Human as we are, we have the tendency to slip up from time to time or say something wicked about the person we dislike particularly in the high of anger and frustrations. We all have in one way or the other guilty of sharing some pity observations, divulging personal information, expressing opinion or venting our struggles and pains with family and friends but please don’t fabricate the story and make it a habit to pass it on to the next person, then to the next person, and another person you speak to just to have a conversation because then that becomes vicious cycle of gossips. A lie is a lie and even white lies can be harmful. Talking bad behind your friends’ back presuming there is a bit of truth to it is still upsetting and damaging especially that we less likely to expect that from you as a friend. Just remember this, when you back stab your friends know that your credibility is at stake and your ass is going to get busted once the person concerned wind up knowing them.

Confiding or sharing something is different from gossiping. Gossip is cheap talk, a cheap shot at a person to look bad either because you are just jealous of her or you are just plain miserable. Gossip is a betrayal of trust and respect between friends. So if you have nothing good to say about your friends, zip it up. Friendship is about mutual respect and sharing that touches deep into the soul.

Tell you the truth, in my 41 years of existence, I still couldn’t expend all my fingers to add up the number of persons whom I truly hold in my heart as genuine friends and you know who you are.

A genuine friend to me is when I succeed; she is happy for me and genuinely shares the joy and not put out a fake smile on her face; writes nice things about me yet deep inside she resentful of my accomplishments.

When I failed; she shows genuine sympathy to me and not secretly rejoices behind my back feeling good about my downfall and shortcomings.

When I expressed my opinion, she doesn’t have to be of the same mindset with me. She can disagree and argue with me as long as she wants.   I take no offense with it if that is her opinion. A person is always entitled to her own opinion and I respect that.

With that being said, let me end this post with a quote “A simple friend thinks the friendship is over when you have an argument. A real friend calls you after you had an argument.”  

I have at least 3 friends that have fought, cried and disagreed with me on so many issues in life yet 18 years later we remained best of friends... That's what friends are for.

 

    11 September 2007 -  Jacksonville, Florida USA                                        

 

My First Facial Treatment
                 

WoW~ I was absolutely hooked! The beauty treatment is worth the price my mother-in-law had paid for it however I probably wouldn’t go back there again if I have to shell out $150 from my own pocket.

Anyway, the lady that did my facial patted me on the back for having an unblemished face except for a very few blackheads on my nose. She did the deep pore cleansing and exfoliating using different antioxidant vitamin serums which made my face so smooth with a radiant and youthful glow ;-)   After which, while a comforting meditation song was playing in the background, she gave me a very relaxing massages from the face, head, shoulder, arms and back that eventually lulled me into a deep slumber. I woke up an hour later feeling completely renewed and refreshed. I had a softest, smoothest face imaginable. The whole experience was so relaxing and soothing that I just want to curl in that cot for the whole day.

French Manicure & Pedicure at the Spa

I didn't know there is such a thing as spa pedicure until I got pampered last Saturday.  A spa manicure/pedicure are generally more expensive than what you pay at the local nail salon.  At the spa, they charge from $45-55 vs. $20-25 at the local nail salon. So why is spa pedicure more expensive? What sorts of extra special pampering are you getting for your buck?

Well, one thing is you are paying in part for a more luxurious atmosphere and experience. Rather than sitting in an ordinary chair in a crammed-full local salon, at the spa you get to sit in a very comfortable reclining chair in an airy corner with your feet down soaking for about 10 minutes on the whirlpool jet tub with essential aromatic salts and oils. While your feet are being soaked in the tub, pressured jets will gently massage away those aches and pains that can make you feel more relax and luxurious.

Spa pedicure also includes extra-special indulgence like callous softening and removal, scrubbing your foot for exfoliation, foot and lower leg massages, removing cuticles and shaping your nails. Then they bathe and rinse your feet with warm aromatic water; dry and massage your foot and lower leg again with scented oil and other “kaik-ikan” before they apply the nail polish. After it was done, there's this heavenly sensation that for a minute, I felt like a sophisticated rich young lady ;-)  

Thank you so much, Mother for that divine experience and sumptuous lunch on my birthday and of course for everything you do for me. You are a heaven-sent mother-in-law to me and I feel very, very special and blessed indeed. I love you dearly.

Here’s another reason to be so grateful for having a mother-in-law like mine.    In Feb 26, 1999, ok this was even before I come to the States (See? I keep all her letters to me just in case), she replied to one of my candid emails (wish I recalled what I wrote exactly to her but anyway, here’s an excerpt from her reply,  “Rhebs, I also want you to understand that I will never be the "mother-in-law" you dread. Unless I have a complete personality change I will never (repeat) never interfere in your marriage. I firmly believe that when a man and woman marry, their commitment must be to each other first, their children second, and then the remainder of their families. I will expect to be a small part of your life: I would like to hear from you once or twice a month; I do want to be part of my grandchildren's life; and I would like to be with you sometimes when you (as a family or as a friend) go someplace...like this week (it would be so much fun if you were here too to go on a short vacation)....”

Sure enough, she’s true to her words!

There are times I feel worthless for not giving her a grandchild she never had... and she probably will never ever have one until the end of her life unless some sort of miracle happens yet she remains steadfast in her love and appreciation to me as her daughter-in-law.   If truth to be told, I have never heard her either say or tell me to seek help from Fertility Specialist so I’ll get pregnant nor does she tell me to adopt one just to have a child of our own unlike the annoying implacable demands and pressures I often heard from my very own side of family & friends.

The best thing about my mother-in-law is she would only give her advice and honest opinion whenever I asked her to although occasionally she also tells me what to do which I don't always agree with her idea anyway. But at least the moment she realizes I was right after all, she takes no offense about it and liberally validates my opinion just like what happened here. She is candid and open minded person and that’s what I love and admired about her the most.

 

    8 September 2007 -  Jacksonville, Florida USA                                        

 

Our 8th Wedding Anniversary
 

                  
         Tony & Rhebs Wedding
             September 8, 1999

How time flies! It feels like it was only yesterday when DH and I exchanged our sacred marriage vows in front of 25 people mostly closed family and friends at the Resurrection Catholic Church, Jacksonville, Florida USA. 

Eight years later, he is still as sweet, thoughtful and gentleman as he can be to the point of sounding-off sometimes like a persistent suitor trying to impress his date in public ;-)

He had this delicious fruit bouquet with half of the strawberries hand dipped in chocolate and complemented with cantaloupe, pineapple daisies, grapes and honeydew delivered to my office desk yesterday afternoon.   His gesture of love made all my officemates go into raptures over the wonderful masterpiece of Edible Arrangements.  I was over the moon :-) 

He also pre-reserved a Couples' Full Body Lotus Spa/Massage as our anniversary treat.  "Enjoy a gorgeously relaxing massage in a suite reserved for couples. Both of you will enjoy a full body Swedish Massage, as you lie side by side"

 

Anyway, guess what sort of treat I am getting for my birthday this time? 

Edith@xxxxxxxxxx.net wrote:
           Rhebs, you have an appointment for a manicure and pedicure at 3 pm on Saturday.  Facial is at 9:30 am.  I'll pick you up and take you there.
    Mom 

Oh yeah? I am getting some more pampering--beauty make-over courtesy of my mother-in-law!   This is going to be my first facial ever... so I don't know what to expect and how much is this going to make me feel good and younger ;-)

And last but not the least.... DH is getting me a Brand New SUV - 2008 Honda CR-V EX, Tango Red Pearl to replace my old 2000 Ford Focus ZTS Sedan.  Yay! 

I finally picked out this Honda CR-V over Toyota RAV4 after I test drove both of them. I tell you more about my car buying experience with 5 different car dealerships plus the pros and cons of trading in vs. selling my old car to a private buyer/company next issue.

DH says he had more fun just by sitting beside me and listening to me doing all the negotiation: haggling, hovering, bargaining and going back and forth with the car salesman and the sales manager. He was actually impressed with my skills in handling the hassles of dealing with the car salesmen just to save money.   Well, we've been ripped off twice before when we bought my first car and his SUV few years back because DH has been just subservient to whatever the salesman quoted us for the trade-in and the price of the new car.  I was a newbie then and didn't have a clue how car dealerships in America play the games.   But now,  no one can fool my leg anymore.   Anyway, I’ll talk more about this topic next month...

By the way, I have finally uploaded the video of our wedding.  Check them out here.  

 

 

    6 September 2007 -  Jacksonville, Florida USA                                        

 

Confessions of a Paranoid Pinay Wife

If there is one thing in my marriage that I find it so distressing to deal with and you better believe it, it is no where close to my being infertile but battling with DH weight problem and health in general. You probably won’t be able to truly understand and realize how sensitive this issue is unless you’re hysterically fat yourself or dotingly married to one.

DH sedentary lifestyles fueled by convenient drive-through or take-out food; exacerbated by eating his all-time favorite meals (Chinese take-out, big bacon classic with fries, chocolate frosty, pizza, hot dog, ice cream, cakes, cookies, chocolates, pies, krispy kreme glazed doughnuts, soda, nuts) in his reclining chair while watching TV and tinkering his laptop turned him into an overweight champ.  My mother-in-law keeps telling me all these years, "Rhebs, you know there is absolutely nothing you can do. Don't nag, don't mention it, don't even seem to notice when or if he eats them. It is not (I repeat NOT) your responsibility to control his weight. It is his. The more you nag and comment on it, the more he will ignore you..."   so I had to seal my lips and numb my self for years however the weight gain was progressively increasing and insidious!

Eight years later, DH weight skyrocketed by more than one fifth of his previous weight. That very moment when he was tipping the scale literally at nearly 340 pounds, on medication for high blood pressure and having to wear CPAP at night for sleep apnea, borderline to high risk cholesterol, I couldn’t ignore the dreaded fact anymore. Everyday, I live in excruciating fear of losing him sooner than later and each time I heard stories of strokes or heart attack, the more I get so freaking paranoid. The unvarying worry was literally tearing me apart. I knew DH and I are heading to a very serious trouble that would eventually obliterate our lives together sooner if we won’t start making a healthy lifestyle change. For all you know, he practically tried every diet out there of his own. You named it: South beach, Atkins, Nutrisystem, Calorie counting, Hypnotize, Diet pills, and etc., etc. but he dropped a few pounds here and there and then gained them right back plus more.

So in February 22, 2007 I took the chance to make an ultimate decision to help him win his life back whatever it takes. I unveiled to him how this whole health situation is tearing me apart. In between a very disturbing sobs, I affectionately talk him into getting a professional help from a team of psychologist, nutritionist/dietician and personal fitness trainer as the last resort. Never mind if we have to spend a fortune for the therapy. I am willing to go broke if that is what it takes to get him fit and healthy because I simply can’t afford to lose the only man I amorously tied the knot and vowed to spend the rest of my life with. God knows how much I love and adore my darling Tony. I pledged to do anything and everything for him even if that means I have to give up my life to save his. He was mesmerized and enthusiastically agreed to my proposition. But wait, let me just set the record straight. This “anything and everything” does not mean I will also condone infidelity or put up with any form of abuse. DH and I are very much aware that these two forbidden acts are the most lethal ones that would, beyond doubt, put a bloody end to our marriage. There, you can pledge 100% commitment/devotion to love your spouse with all your heart yet at the same time you must create boundaries and set limits. Healthy mutual trust and respect is the best immune system in a relationship.

Anyhow from that time on, I quit school and as well as my part-time job so I would be able to tend to DH diligently by cooking healthy meal every day and tenderly supporting him every step of the way.  Adding physical fitness to his schedule--working out three days a week at the gym in addition to playing tennis on the weekend is an integral part of a healthy lifestyle.

Fast Forward, 7 months later

To date, DH lost an incredible 75 lbs; shrinking from a snug 4 XL size of only ‘Big & Tall’ line of clothing to a Regular people’s XL size! He now weights 265 lbs; wears size 42 pants; dropping from size 56. I didn’t expect he could come this far in just a matter of seven months.   He still has a long way to go though--his goal is 185 lbs so 80 lbs more pounds to shed but one thing for sure he is gradually wining his life back and I couldn’t be any happier. I can hardly wait for him to get close to hitting the home run. Heck, I’ll be more than happy if he is able to get down to 200 pounds and keep it off.

You know when I look at him now I sometimes have to pinch myself just to make sure I wasn’t just day dreaming. The odd thing was for a while it feels like I was cheating on him because he's so different from what I have been used to hold intimately and passionately on to for eight years.

It isn’t a diet, it’s a lifestyle!

People should realize that fad or crash diet doesn't really work in the long run because you lose weight so quickly that way but once the normal binge resumes, you gained them all back easily plus more which leads to even more difficult to sustain. What really works for us was a therapy that teaches us a permanent healthy lifestyle. Eating healthy and exercising regularly as always produced the best outcome.

The fact of the matter is, it is not easy for DH to change the long-established behavior patterns, food addiction that is but with the help of the experts, during the course of treatment, he works assiduously to make the healthy lifestyle happens. We incorporate a balanced diet: lean meat, fish at least twice a week, high protein, low carbs, low sodium, low sugar, more fruits and vegetables. At first, adjusting to this new lifestyle took some getting used to, but gradually he began to start seeing the benefits and feeling the results. It took what it seems to be a lifetime to infuse the new changes in his current behavior pattern but we managed to do it by doing one day at a time.   DH has been keen on his new lifestyle that he rarely deviates from it except the last few weeks as he’s just been kind of tired eating the same thing over and over again and that explains why his weight fluctuates last month but at least it’s a relief knowing he didn’t pack in any more weight last month despite the occasional treats here and there.  

So there, retaining a team of psychologist, nutritionist/dietician, personal fitness guru and tennis trainer to boot are worth the spending after all. This therapy has definitely put a big hole in our finances but hey, what’s money compared to life of my beloved right?

On the other hand, here’s the bummer: We are about to go aboard the ship sailing roundtrip from San Francisco to Alaska for 2 weeks to celebrate our 8th wedding anniversary. To tell you the truth, I am so thrilled as well as wary to go on this trip knowing how gloriously delicious the foods are on the cruise. I can’t even begin to imagine what and how much this trip is going to sabotage our healthy lifestyle once we get the chance to savor the endless choices of succulent treats that we only get to relish on a rare occasion like this.

I guess we just have to pep talk ourselves that this voyage is supposed to be the time to enjoy the magnificent sceneries and not binge on the luscious food on board although we probably can let loose a little yet we need to keep our self on track most of the times. Wanting to splurge a little and go for something we normally don’t eat is normal but I hope we don’t overdo it. As the health experts always say, moderation and or portion control is really the key.  On top of this, we are also planning to hit the gym on the ship everyday plus most of the excursions we pre-reserved required a substantial amount of walking, hiking and biking so we'll see what happens when we come back from the trip.

 

    1 September 2007 -  Jacksonville, Florida USA                                        

 

Rock-n-Ride for Daniel Kids

DH & I joined the Rock-n-Ride for Daniel Kids last weekend, August 25, 2007.   The rally started at the Morocco Shrine Auditorium, Jacksonville, Florida followed by a motorcycle ride around the city to raise money to help provide funding for Daniel’s programs that help abused, abandoned and neglected children. Over 1,000 riders on more than 600 motorcycles participated in the event.

The cops escorted the ride and brought the traffic to a halt. As you can see in some of the pictures here, the traffic was backed up all the way in I-95 North going to Jacksonville International Airport. Even my mother-in-law got caught in long-drawn-out traffic at St John’s Bluff road.  Nevertheless, it was a fun ride even though we were sopping wet as it practically drizzled all morning. More pictures for sale by photographer Becky & Tom White can be viewed here.

Anyway, later at night that Saturday, I started to itch and woke up Sunday morning with strewn welts all over my head, forehead and some parts of my body. I thought it's only an allergic reaction to something I ate that night so DH had me gulp down a dose of Benadryl capsule twice that day. The welts continue to spread all over my body throughout the day and I was feeling miserable after dinner so DH decided to take me to St Luke’s Emergency Room. We got to ER around 8:45pm but the doctor decided to write me a prescription instead of steroid shot because I seemed to be breathing just fine and he thought a few dose of Zyrtec pills would do trick as well.  I was told that Decadron shot is the most potent medicine and can only be administered to a person with serious/ life-threatening conditions.    He suspected my case was either the side-effect of my exposure to sun or something I ate that the contradicted one of the four Helidac pills I am currently taking to treat the gastritis in my stomach caused by H-Pylori infection.

So I got discharged from ER and we headed back to pick up a prescription on our way home. While at Walgreen’s waiting for my prescriptions to get through, my face and lips started to swell up; I can feel my nostril and throat were tightening up and I had hard time swallowing the pill. As DH drove me back to ER clocking in 90 miles per hour on a 65 mile per hour highway, I was already hyperventilating and catching my breath so hard that he even thought I won’t be able to make it through. As soon as the nurses in ER saw me back, they got me to ER bed and in a split second hooked me up with an IV for steroid shot. I am telling you, that shot felt like I was being jolted and shocked for a minute on the electric chair at the same time it unfastened my throat so rapidly and I was feeling ok after 30 minutes or so.   It was a life-threatening situation to say the least. DH knows I am a paranoid freak but I do have an idea someone could die with just an allergy reactions.

Hospital Trips

Oh my goodness!  I made too many trips to the doctor’s office, labs and hospital in the last 3 weeks. I’ve seen my primary doctor thrice, OB-Gynecologist twice, GI specialist once; had my blood drawn thrice and had a complete physical annual check-up at the Wellness Life Scan.

Two weeks ago, I had an upper and lower GI tests (endoscopy & colonoscopy) as I had stomach pain and some kind of diarrhea for a week so just to be on the safe side, the doctor ordered colonoscopy to rule out any other type of colon disorder.

The diagnoses were gastritis which simply means inflammation of the lining of the stomach caused by an infection from a bacterium called Helicobacter pylori (H. pylori)-- the only known microorganism that can thrive in the highly acidic environment of the stomach.  I actually had this infection when I was still in the Philippines but it was only diagnosed as ulcer. My first endoscopy test in the States 8 years ago showed I was positive with H. pylori infections. That was treated and completely cured by Helidac Therapy medication. But I got re-infected again when I went back to the Philippines in 2004. This time, I don't know how I got it again. But then again, I am not the only person here in the States with this type of stomach infection.  I was surprised my OB-gyn had the same infection over a year ago and he was never been out of the country for many many years.

Anyway, aside from upper and lower GI endoscopy and colonoscopy procedures; I also went through all the tests you named it: Lipid panel, comprehensive metabolic, CBC, Cardio CRP, Hepa, Urine test, bone density test, Chest X-ray, ultrasound of all my organs (thyroid glands, heart, kidney, bladder, uterus, ovary, tubes).   Everything is within the normal range except 2 things:

1. UREA NITROGEN (BUN)/CREATINE RATIO from the lab blood test result was elevated (Normal range is 6-22) mine is 24.     A high BUN value is caused either by a high-protein diet or tissue damage from bleeding in the gastrointestinal tract.

2. ABSOLUTE EOSINOPHILS (normal range is 15-500) mine is extremely high 829. This is a type of phagocyte that produces the anti-inflammatory protein histamine. A high number indicates allergies or parasitic infections. This explains why I have severe allergy reactions.

Over all, I am perfectly healthy. I'd like to think I still have at least 40 more years to enjoy life --- that is if I will continue to eat only healthy and do regular exercise.

Next month, I have another doctor’s appointment with an Allergy Specialist and a follow-up breath test to make sure the H-pylori infection was completely treated. I am also scheduled to have a complete bone density study because the blood work showed high in my FHS level and low in testosterone and estradiol which could possibly be signs of premature perimenopause although I am not symptomatic at all except no period for six months now which is a good thing. So, all beats are down!  No more hope to conceive but life must go on...

Buy hey, the best thing about living here in the States is you get the best medical care/treatment for a very minimal fee if you have the right health care insurance policy. Well, mine is actually FREE!  (NO co-pay even with ER trips) that is because I have 2 of the best health care insurance in America. I got one in my job which is free; I pay nothing not even a single penny out of my pocket—one of the best benefits in working with the city government and I am also a beneficiary in my DH’s health insurance package at his job.

So that explains why I was on hiatus for a while plus I also got busy catching up on a lot of things I needed to do before I take off for summer break to celebrate our 8th wedding anniversary.   Yaay! I can hardly wait to be off work for 17 uninterrupted days and just chill out in a cozy and romantic place where I don't have to do anything not even a single household chores. Now that’s pure joy ;-)   Well, the countdown has started....