8 August 2007 -  Jacksonville, Florida USA                                        

The Possibilities Are Endless

I received a follow-up notice from IRS today about the status of the job application after I went in last month, July 19, 2007 to submit the required paperwork  for the job and did the fingerprint session for FBI to do thorough background investigation in regards to my identity as a law abiding US citizen.

Here's the notice:

From: atlantarecruitment@irs.gov
Date: 2007/08/06 Mon PM 04:00:33 EDT
To: xxxxx@xxxxxx.net
Subject: Telephone Assessment Program (TAP)

United States Department of the Treasury
Internal Revenue Service

Talent, Hiring and Recruitment
2965 Flowers Rd. Rm 208
Chamblee Ga. 30341
AtlantaRecruitment@irs.gov

Dear RC:

Thank you for your interest in the Contact Representative position, GS-962-05.

You are currently being considered for employment with an anticipated entry on duty date between October 1, 2007 and October 5, 2007. A Telephone Assessment Program (TAP) has been developed to allow the IRS to evaluate the applicant.

Sincerely,

Atlanta Employment Section III
External Recruitment
Internal Revenue Service

This IRS job would have been perfectly suited for me.  The working hours 12:30pm to 8:30pm would have served me even better; less traffic and not getting up at 5:00 AM is a big bonus but I made a decision to keep my present job in the city government if I won't get laid off by the end of September.   I just can’t imagine screwing up DH’s wellbeing especially now that he is gradually winning his life back just by being there with him personally whenever he comes home from work after 5:30 PM.  The proverb, "Behind Every Successful Man, There Is A Wise Woman" is true after all ;-)

Seriously, I do believe that part of his weight gain to some extent, I hold no one responsible but me. I was then so busy running around in my own world: work, school, and other extra curricular activities let alone the gallivanting I did solo-- hence I hardly ever had a chance to come home in time to do my ‘wifely’ duties much less to cook healthy. You see, for the past years, I didn’t get home until after 10:00 PM because either I had to work late which I chose to anyway or in school. DH didn’t mind it though. He’s all for making his wife happy :-). Yeah, it's all about Me!   What a superb and martyr husband he is ;-)   Married guys out there, did you get that?   It's all about her.  Just like the old Southern Red Neck adage "If Mom ain't happy, ain't nobody happy" .

In retrospect, while this deal works wonder in our relationship yet the drawback was, it gave DH a big opportunity to opt for an easy way to masticate his all-time favorite meal: fast food drive-through, Chinese take-out or pizza delivery and because for the later part of the day from 5:00 PM – 9:30 PM on weekdays and all weekend long he's home alone, he turned to all sorts of junk foods or other munches that he can easily shove into his mouth to provide instant gratification to his boredom.  I'll talk more about this issue sooner or later.
 

    5 August 2007 -  Jacksonville, Florida USA                                        

The Name Behind This Blog

I was tagged by Geri to do this meme, “The Face Behind This Blog” but hey you all have seen my big round face all over this blog, so I changed the word face to name.

Here goes:

The first child of my parents was a boy so then like most couples look forward to; a girl is very much sought-after.   On the contrary, my mother conceived another boy a year later which they unquestionably welcome the baby into their household anyway. I was told, my father as anxious as he was, mumbled under his breath pledging to settle to no matter what, even a  baby with cleft lip so long as it’s a girl, he’s going to accept her and love her more than his first two sons. Yes, he was that desperate to have a daughter!

Thank God, this girl was shaped at the outset with no missing body part!! My father was indeed ecstatic to finally have a little girl so he named his much coveted daughter to Rebecca. The name was of Biblical origin which means solidly committed. What’s even more surprising was the next child after me was another boy—so there should be no question why I became the father’s apple of the eyes—akin to the untouchable favorite child. I suppose most if not all parents, whether they admit it or not, play favoritism among their children.

Anyway, my parents have produced a total of 11 live births (7 boys and 4 girls) and 3 miscarriages. With regards to the issue of favoritism, isn't that usually true that the father and the daughter hold the so called ‘special unique mutual bond’ that made them clinging to each other?  Well, in our case it was quite the opposite. I grow up resenting and defying my father because of what he put us through. He never did put an effort to do what was expected of him as the head of household. With my mother’s meager income, I had to work very hard in order to realize my biggest dream-- definitely to finish college because that was the only passport I knew to get out of poverty and better off our lives. While in college, I worked as a full-time student aide at the university (office of the dean of education)  and at the same time doing a sideline job as nanny/maid to uncles, aunts and neighbors’ kids until age 22.   All I can prove to you is,  if there is a will, there is a way because I proudly earned my bachelor's degree in Commerce Accounting and Computer Science to boot with flying colors (dean's list scholar) without any single aid coming from my parents.

I tell you, in terms of human production, despite being poor, everyone in my clan--both sides of the family from the great-grand parents down to the most recent generation was and has been very prolific but me, me and me.  Is this what they call “karma” for being a defiant daughter?   I’d hate to think I am barren knowing I once had the genetic ability to have naturally conceived a child (that was when I was 36 years old; unfortunately, 12 weeks into gestation, I miscarried that fetus) but I suppose that was just God’s answer to our prayers.   That was it—I didn’t get pregnant again. Should I, maybe for the last time, hope for the unexpected? I should yet with my age now; I have relented to that fact if it doesn’t meant to be then that's life for me. I am still lucky to have found a man a lot of women in this world could only dream to have – an superb man who without a shadow of a doubt loves, trusts, respects and wholeheartedly took me for who and what I am. Never did it occur to me to barter my life now with other couples who have kids of their own. For me,  life in itself is the greatest gift and it’s been bliss since DH came into my existence. He is my only true love, life and happiness now and forever. So I just continue to live, enjoy, and celebrate life as much as I can.

What a little twist of fate here. The story of Rebecca in the Bible showed that woman can love greatly, can be overpowering, self-sacrificing and deceiving. Rebecca was clearly in charge of her own destiny, both in deciding on her own future, and in shaping the future of her clan. She was insightful, energetic, physically robust, hard worker, hospitable and strong-willed yet infertile. She and Isaac did not have children until after 20 years of their marriage. GEN 25:21 “Isaac prayed to the LORD on behalf of his wife, because she was barren. The LORD answered his prayer, and his wife Rebecca became pregnant and gave birth to twin sons: Esau and Jacob.”    Esau became Isaac favorite son while Jacob was adored by Rebecca. Long story short, the finale wasn't something venerable.  It only proved that showing favoritism had created a devastating problem among siblings; deception and lying even if it is for good intention only worsen the situation and lead to further hostile environment; and trying to do a good thing by wicked means is just wrong.

Anyway, back to me.  Even though I keep saying I have been at peace with myself as infertile,  but then there are times where I can’t help but get so wound up especially if the case involves and entangles the life of innocent children and this is a typical example where I get so exasperated with the issue of me being infertile.  Few days ago, I learned that one of my friends divorced her husband and abandon her 48 and 18 months old kids in exchange of her own perceived liberation and happiness.  My heart bleeds for the two toddlers she left behind and I could only wish these kids were mine. I know no one is in any position to pass judgment against her decision to end the marriage and I am not condemning that decision either as I would probably have done the same exact thing if I were in a stinking and unimaginable relationship to begin with but my point is, some choices, more so, if it involves life ---you know popping kids into this world (not just one but two!?!?!) could have been prevented if only these people aren’t so selfish and they care about the repercussion of their action/decision.

Why in heaven and I find this hard to fathom sometimes; some women who don't deserve to have a kid get pregnant so easy?  Women who by choice don’t want to have kids get pregnant despite using contraceptives? And why do women allowed them selves to have kids knowingly they couldn’t provide the love, attention and decent life these children are entitled to? What’s even worst is, when things got out of control, they can ditch their children just like that.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not all righteous nor do I claim to be the only one who deserves to have a child. I am pretty sure there are countless of women out there who make a superb mom. As for me, the only experience I had was baby sitting and helping raised 7 of my younger siblings because my mom used to go out of town for days, weeks whenever and wherever dad’s freelance job as sales rep took them.  Also my stint as nanny/maid to uncles, aunts and neighbors’ kids back then trying to make some bucks to help defray college expenses made me think I’ll make a real good mom if given a chance to raise my own children. Now that I made my point, I rest my case :-) 

There is no need to tag those who have done this meme already so I am tagging Lani, Ate G,  Vanessa, Ate Vicky and Ice.
Read the instruction to this meme if don't know what to do:
 

    1 August 2007 -  Jacksonville, Florida USA                                        

Getting Fit

Physical fitness on top of healthy diet is an integral part to becoming hale and hearty that is why DH & I have been making an extra effort to do our regular exercise every day but with the unpredictable humid, hot or wet summer weather, we quit doing the usual morning run and taking a stroll in the neighborhood after dinner.  Instead we have been hitting the gym hard.

Here's my work-out schedule:   * Group Fitness Class

Monday
05:00 to 05:15 PM      Warm-up on Treadmill
05:15 to 05:30 PM      Ride on Elliptical Bike
05:30 to 06:30 PM      *Interval Training
06:30 to 06:45 PM     Session with chiropractor for neck/back/shoulder/muscle pains
                    
Tuesday
05:00 to 05:15 PM       Warm-up on Treadmill
05:15 to 05:30 PM       *Bosu Abs
05:30 to 06:00 PM       Run on Treadmill
06:00 to 06:30 PM       Session w/ personal trainer for strength training

Wednesday
05:00 to 05:15 PM       Warm-up in the Treadmill
05:15 to 05:30 PM       *Bosu Abs
05:30 to 06:30 PM       *Power Pump
06:30 to 06:45 PM        Session with chiropractor for neck/back/shoulder/muscle pains

Thursday
05:00 to 05:15 PM       Warm-up on Treadmill
05:15 to 05:30 PM       *Abs
05:30 to 06:00 PM       Run on Treadmill
06:00 to 06:30 PM       Session w/ personal trainer for strength training

Saturday
08:00 to 10:00 AM       Play Tennis
If for some reason we can’t play tennis, I go to the gym to do either

07:15 to 07:30 AM      Warm-up on Treadmill
07:30 to 08:30 AM      *Body Mechanics
        or
09:45 to 10:00 AM      Warm-up on Treadmill
10:00 to 11:00 AM      *BOSU
        or
10:00 to 10:15 AM      Warm-up on Treadmill
10:15 to 11:15 AM      *Yoga
       or
09:45 to 10:00 AM     Warm-up on Treadmill
10:00 to 10:35 PM     *Pilates

Yeah, I finally broke down and hire a personal fitness pro for myself to twist my arms and guide me every step of the way to do the correct strength training workout.  I am so desperate to hit my goal-- to be able to at least slide into size 4P formal dress (size 2 is even better) to our impending cruise a month and half from now.

Me:   Bee, how come my weight chart rises and drops by few pounds sporadically
        despite hitting the gym hard for nearly two months now?

PT:    Momma that is because you are slowly building muscles and you know muscles weighs more than fat.
         But don’t worry babe these muscles help rev up your metabolism to lose fat quicker ok?
         You'll eventually get to where you want it to be...  just be patient.  So keep pumping 1 2 3... come on!

Me:    Sh*t!  Don't be so hard on me now. 
PT:    Oh no! Did you just curse me?   
Me:   No I didn't.  Sorry, this weight lifting is killing me!
PT:    You can do it! ok 12 more reps... come on 12 11 10 ...   

Well, she’s precise because while it appeared that I didn’t shed a pound or two but the measuring tape showed otherwise. I have lost inches around the body which spelled out the fact that the size 6P clothes are already a little loose-fitting on me. So this brings to a conclusion that the scale isn't the only tool for tracking a healthy lifestyle.

With my current weight (113 lbs = 51.34 kilos), everybody at work thinks I am obsessed for turning myself into a gym fanatic but sh*t when you are 40, whilst signs of early perimenopause—the beginning of hormonal change, is starting to hit on you, you’ve got to do what you need to do to stay fit. I tell you, 40 isn’t too bad right now as I muddle-through this life’s reality well enough to still look like I was still in early 30’s, at least I think so ;-)

Alright, I am not trying to lose weight to be skinny.  On the contrary, never did I consider Angelina Jolie as sexy nor I envision myself to be as skinny as her. If truth to be told, she looks so sick to me! Skeletal women like the fashion models don’t appeal to me as much as the meaty yet toned body like JeLo's contour.

Nonetheless, with the body built and height like mine (I am only 4 feet and 10 inches--reason why I wear 2.5 to 3.0 inches high heel at work) DH and I are in consensus that the ideal weight for me is no more or less than 105 lbs (47.72 kilos).