6 September 2007 -  Jacksonville, Florida USA                                        

 

Confessions of a Paranoid Pinay Wife

If there is one thing in my marriage that I find it so distressing to deal with and you better believe it, it is no where close to my being infertile but battling with DH weight problem and health in general. You probably won’t be able to truly understand and realize how sensitive this issue is unless you’re hysterically fat yourself or dotingly married to one.

DH sedentary lifestyles fueled by convenient drive-through or take-out food; exacerbated by eating his all-time favorite meals (Chinese take-out, big bacon classic with fries, chocolate frosty, pizza, hot dog, ice cream, cakes, cookies, chocolates, pies, krispy kreme glazed doughnuts, soda, nuts) in his reclining chair while watching TV and tinkering his laptop turned him into an overweight champ.  My mother-in-law keeps telling me all these years, "Rhebs, you know there is absolutely nothing you can do. Don't nag, don't mention it, don't even seem to notice when or if he eats them. It is not (I repeat NOT) your responsibility to control his weight. It is his. The more you nag and comment on it, the more he will ignore you..."   so I had to seal my lips and numb my self for years however the weight gain was progressively increasing and insidious!

Eight years later, DH weight skyrocketed by more than one fifth of his previous weight. That very moment when he was tipping the scale literally at nearly 340 pounds, on medication for high blood pressure and having to wear CPAP at night for sleep apnea, borderline to high risk cholesterol, I couldn’t ignore the dreaded fact anymore. Everyday, I live in excruciating fear of losing him sooner than later and each time I heard stories of strokes or heart attack, the more I get so freaking paranoid. The unvarying worry was literally tearing me apart. I knew DH and I are heading to a very serious trouble that would eventually obliterate our lives together sooner if we won’t start making a healthy lifestyle change. For all you know, he practically tried every diet out there of his own. You named it: South beach, Atkins, Nutrisystem, Calorie counting, Hypnotize, Diet pills, and etc., etc. but he dropped a few pounds here and there and then gained them right back plus more.

So in February 22, 2007 I took the chance to make an ultimate decision to help him win his life back whatever it takes. I unveiled to him how this whole health situation is tearing me apart. In between a very disturbing sobs, I affectionately talk him into getting a professional help from a team of psychologist, nutritionist/dietician and personal fitness trainer as the last resort. Never mind if we have to spend a fortune for the therapy. I am willing to go broke if that is what it takes to get him fit and healthy because I simply can’t afford to lose the only man I amorously tied the knot and vowed to spend the rest of my life with. God knows how much I love and adore my darling Tony. I pledged to do anything and everything for him even if that means I have to give up my life to save his. He was mesmerized and enthusiastically agreed to my proposition. But wait, let me just set the record straight. This “anything and everything” does not mean I will also condone infidelity or put up with any form of abuse. DH and I are very much aware that these two forbidden acts are the most lethal ones that would, beyond doubt, put a bloody end to our marriage. There, you can pledge 100% commitment/devotion to love your spouse with all your heart yet at the same time you must create boundaries and set limits. Healthy mutual trust and respect is the best immune system in a relationship.

Anyhow from that time on, I quit school and as well as my part-time job so I would be able to tend to DH diligently by cooking healthy meal every day and tenderly supporting him every step of the way.  Adding physical fitness to his schedule--working out three days a week at the gym in addition to playing tennis on the weekend is an integral part of a healthy lifestyle.

Fast Forward, 7 months later

To date, DH lost an incredible 75 lbs; shrinking from a snug 4 XL size of only ‘Big & Tall’ line of clothing to a Regular people’s XL size! He now weights 265 lbs; wears size 42 pants; dropping from size 56. I didn’t expect he could come this far in just a matter of seven months.   He still has a long way to go though--his goal is 185 lbs so 80 lbs more pounds to shed but one thing for sure he is gradually wining his life back and I couldn’t be any happier. I can hardly wait for him to get close to hitting the home run. Heck, I’ll be more than happy if he is able to get down to 200 pounds and keep it off.

You know when I look at him now I sometimes have to pinch myself just to make sure I wasn’t just day dreaming. The odd thing was for a while it feels like I was cheating on him because he's so different from what I have been used to hold intimately and passionately on to for eight years.

It isn’t a diet, it’s a lifestyle!

People should realize that fad or crash diet doesn't really work in the long run because you lose weight so quickly that way but once the normal binge resumes, you gained them all back easily plus more which leads to even more difficult to sustain. What really works for us was a therapy that teaches us a permanent healthy lifestyle. Eating healthy and exercising regularly as always produced the best outcome.

The fact of the matter is, it is not easy for DH to change the long-established behavior patterns, food addiction that is but with the help of the experts, during the course of treatment, he works assiduously to make the healthy lifestyle happens. We incorporate a balanced diet: lean meat, fish at least twice a week, high protein, low carbs, low sodium, low sugar, more fruits and vegetables. At first, adjusting to this new lifestyle took some getting used to, but gradually he began to start seeing the benefits and feeling the results. It took what it seems to be a lifetime to infuse the new changes in his current behavior pattern but we managed to do it by doing one day at a time.   DH has been keen on his new lifestyle that he rarely deviates from it except the last few weeks as he’s just been kind of tired eating the same thing over and over again and that explains why his weight fluctuates last month but at least it’s a relief knowing he didn’t pack in any more weight last month despite the occasional treats here and there.  

So there, retaining a team of psychologist, nutritionist/dietician, personal fitness guru and tennis trainer to boot are worth the spending after all. This therapy has definitely put a big hole in our finances but hey, what’s money compared to life of my beloved right?

On the other hand, here’s the bummer: We are about to go aboard the ship sailing roundtrip from San Francisco to Alaska for 2 weeks to celebrate our 8th wedding anniversary. To tell you the truth, I am so thrilled as well as wary to go on this trip knowing how gloriously delicious the foods are on the cruise. I can’t even begin to imagine what and how much this trip is going to sabotage our healthy lifestyle once we get the chance to savor the endless choices of succulent treats that we only get to relish on a rare occasion like this.

I guess we just have to pep talk ourselves that this voyage is supposed to be the time to enjoy the magnificent sceneries and not binge on the luscious food on board although we probably can let loose a little yet we need to keep our self on track most of the times. Wanting to splurge a little and go for something we normally don’t eat is normal but I hope we don’t overdo it. As the health experts always say, moderation and or portion control is really the key.  On top of this, we are also planning to hit the gym on the ship everyday plus most of the excursions we pre-reserved required a substantial amount of walking, hiking and biking so we'll see what happens when we come back from the trip.