01 July 2007 -  Jacksonville, Florida USA                                        

How to be a Couple and Still be Free

The happiest people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have.  Life is magical only if you know how to live and enjoy life to the fullest and I am that’s why I don't resent nor show antipathy towards any of my friends who have the privilege to become a biological mom with no problem. Of course, I must admit I feel a little envious sometimes especially when the ‘baby paroxysm’ kicks in, let alone I have always had a soft spot for kids that is why I have been so passionate to have children of my own but hey that doesn’t stop me from being friends with couples who have children. I have long conceded to the fact that they are fortunate in that aspect and I am not. That’s life so I deal with it without any antagonism. <sigh>

Nonetheless, I am so lucky to have a devoted, loving and responsible DH that makes me content evermore. Believe me for nearly 8 years of marriage, there has never been an instance where DH & I had an exchange heated blows. Yes, I pissed him off occasionally and yes, I also get so wound up at times which made me reduced to tears but we always have a way of resolving our issues by heart-to-heart talk. No recrimination, no screaming or yelling, no swearing or name calling, no pointing of fingers. Our relationship isn't perfect as we also have few disagreements that leave either one or both of us frustrated - but at the end of the day when the dust settles, we still feel so passionate about each other. That's the big difference. We have the type of relationship that allows us to talk openly with love, respect and a great desire to work things out.

The lack of restriction from my darling husband gives me a sense of sovereignty that despite being married, I still occasionally enjoy all the freedom of a single person. For us, maintaining that separate identities keep alive those parts of us that we fell in love with in the first place. You see, true marriage requires two people having independent lives, not two people living through each other. Being married does not mean you two have to always go and do everything together---if that is the case then you don’t know what you are missing.

By allowing your spouse to find inner satisfaction on his/her own way and he/she will definitely be happier with you :-) If your wife is not allowed to have a life of her own and do whatever that delights her little heart, she will eventually become resentful or bored to death. Likewise if you're over-interested in your husband’s life, wanting to know or be involved in every detail of his life and activities, he will in time feel incensed. So cut him some slack and allow him to do the guy thing occasionally—whatever it is that makes him happy so long as it doesn’t put a strain in your marriage. For sure there's always an extra spark when you get back together. A spouse who values you, who makes the most out of the time you spend together and doesn’t whine about transitory separation is a grown-up.

So guys, have a dream of what you want your life to be and do something in pursuit of that goal. Take some risks and challenge your spouse to do the same even if it causes some momentary discomfort, remember that a healthy marriage isn't all about comfort zones and status quos. If you, for ever and a day, only settle for your own comfort, your relationship is doomed to fail sooner or later. Be the sunshine because if you do, rest assured that your spouse is going to do his/her best to keep you warm as well. For this, I believe Love begets Love.