June 20, 2006 7:04 PM Tuesday, Jacksonville, Florida           

 

Relationships

Sitting in to the 8 hour training seminar in "The Power of Positive Relationships Whale Done” at work last Thursday helps reinforced my know-how in dealing with negative people. I am actually good in handling this type of personality however there are times, human as I am, sometimes I slip up and lose control of my emotions especially when I am being pushed hard to the edge. And that’s exactly what my family had done to me lately.

I can't begin to tell you how my relationships with my family in the Philippines went sour ever since they started making plea for more money. Every time I speak to them on the phone except the innocent nephews and nieces, I often responded to most of their innocuous story with a big snarl. I was in turn sullen and resentful. I am always angrily screaming to their ears at the top of my lungs trying to explain there is no free money  in the States. I feel like I have become an awful mean person! Who likes to listen to their unending story of how poor their lives are or relatives and neighbors’ problems that always implied money? Look!?! Been there done that and I know exactly how is it like to be poor. But I busted my ass off working to get a college degree so I've managed to at least make my life a little better without sponging off from a well-to-do relatives. I guess I'll just anticipate with optimism that someday, I'd wish they will realize that yes, I live in one of the most riches counties in the world but I still have to work hard to make a living. Plus I don’t make that much money to solve all of their problems.  I do  pray that  they would just get off my back and spare me a moment of solidarity once and for all.

You know I am all stressed out over this matter. And Lord, I can’t think of a better way to get this cross off my shoulder! You see, if I suspend my monthly remittance to my family in the Philippines and something happens to one of them, I know my conscience won’t let me sleep through the night. I probably won’t be able to forgive myself for not necessarily causing the heartbreak but you know you what I mean? As it is, there are times at night when I think about them, it pains me to a great extend knowing that they are eating no healthier than plain rice and fish with some kind of weeds (kangkong/camote tops) and no variation whereas I get to eat just about anything and everything I want. The food is so abundant at my end to the point that every now and then we had to toss the leftovers out. While fast food hamburgers, fries and such are already considered a treat in the Philippines, here, those types of foods are one of the easy on the pocket deals you can have for a meal. In my defense, DH keeps saying, “but you work so hard to get where you are now didn’t you?” Yeah, he was right! Whereas I reckoned, a good number of my family circle in the Philippines are living a sedentary lifestyles and would rather mooch than work hard to nourish themselves. <Sigh>

But you know what? Despite those unpleasant and failed dealings I have had with my own family in the Philippines, I am glad I didn’t turn out to be a complete grumbler. In fact, I am finding more luck in upholding a good relationship with others more so with DH, his family members and with the many bosses, colleagues, and friends I have dealt with. As I recalled, when I first started working at my present job, I was seriously cautioned by few people and the three Filipinas who used to work directly under the supervision of my current boss; how negative and nasty she's been to her colleagues and subordinates and I should be very careful with her. Now, it's amazing how we get along so well in the department we are in. We even get to talk about our own personal issues in life. We laughed and joked around sometimes.  My boss had even told one of the persons in other department that she never had so much fun working with anybody who worked with her before like we do now. Hey, I'll let you in with my little secret. All I do actually is give her due respect and utmost sincerity in our day to day dealings. I greet her with a big smile and a sweet ‘good morning’ to start her day. I thank, appreciate and compliment her sincerely ( no bola) for every little thing she does for me. I sent her card and flowers on her birthday. Again, here you go. You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar ;-)

Basically, I am good person with a nurturing and compassionate heart; not faultless by any means but if someone crossed my line, I would definitely shoot back without mercy. People that I have had in closed contact with before can attest how wicked I can be when pushed to the limit. That’s why I often warn my detractor, “don't start the fire if you can’t take the heat”. That’s the thing; I make a conscious judgment not to set off the fire to begin with. I may listen to the gossips about other people’s life however I never make an effort to pass the gossips along to others more so to the concerned person just to instigate the fight. Listen, I must admit I may have shared your life's story, good or bad to DH and other friends as an example but rest assured that the sharing is not going to cause you any harm.

Moreover, I don’t pay attention to the issue especially if it was conceived based on plain jealousy. I strive to give sincere compliments and honest answer to people I deal with. If I have nothing better to say to you, I’d rather keep my mouth shut. If I am feeling jealous with someone's possessions and if it's that bad, I just chided myself to work even more so I will be able to afford one!! It's normal to feel jealous who doesn't? But again I don't know why some people would go to the extent of making a sarcastic comments such as "yeah, she lives in a mansion but I know for sure their debts are up to their neck; yeah her house is huge but it's not that marvelous inside; yeah her house is indeed magnificent but they live in a state where the cost of living is cheap so I know her house doesn't cost that much; or can you be a little humble... nice things are great but pleeease don't be so conceited !" You know those types of remarks we often heard from other people? My take on this issue is, hey, if you have something to brag about as long as it’s based on facts, flaunt it baby! I'd be pleased to know your accomplishments and achievements in life. And that sometimes inspire other people to get their act together to do the same you know? Although, you probably happen to know how this crab mentality plays among Filipinos. Some people would do the extreme by spreading caustic gossips to pull down or derail the ones who are better off in life than theirs. Why in the world can’t they just accept the fact and be happy with other people’s fortune? For Pete's sake, they worked hard for that too!

Needless to say, I am very pleased for my friends; Lanie P and Helen who now lived in a beautiful huge house akin to a mansion in Michigan and New Jersey. Likewise to my friend, Gazel in Orlando, who is now a proud owner of a brand new BMW. I had so much fun riding to Tampa the last time we went to Orlando. See? I get to ride in her BMW too ;-)   I am also honored to get an invite from Lani P and Helen to come over for a week stay!!! Yaay! I can’t wait… I am afraid though I most likely would gain so much weight with this upcoming trip to Michigan come August because I know Lani P is an incredible cook when it comes to pinoy delicacies and she really does enjoy cooking as much as having friends coming over to catch up and share a delicious meal. Look! She likes to share her blessings as well :-)

Oki. Let me end this post with a quote from the speaker of the seminar, Ms. Tricia Bettman. 
Our emotional bank account with others:  "When we have positive interactions, we are making deposits. When we have negative interactions, we are making withdrawals."

June 6, 2006 7:38 PM Tuesday, Jacksonville, Florida           

The CROSS on my shoulder

Yesterday I was gnashing my teeth, furiously fuming with resentment after reading the email I received from one member of my family (as instructed by my very own father) in the Philippines and in a minute without sorting out my emotions, I fired back without mercy. Later on, I feel sorry for the outburst but it was too late to retract and delete the email I have already launched. I have come to realize that I acted very harshly with their straightforward request from us to send more money so they could hire a maid to do the chores for them. I could have replied kindly by saying, “No. I can’t afford to send anymore money to pay for your maid. I just sent $600 last week or so… didn’t I?” but regrettably I didn’t respond that way. Instead, I blew them up with this retort:

WE DON'T GROW MONEY ON THE TREE!!!

I work TWO jobs and go to school. Tony works like carabao does! We are both exhausted and worn out at the end of the day yet we do all our household chores, run errands, mowed the lawn and work on our yard/garden. We don't have a maid simply because we CAN NOT afford to get one!!

And may I add. My mother-in-law is 71 years old, lives alone with her two cats and one dog. She does all her house chores by herself! No maid although she can very well afford to get one if she wants to but she’d rather do the chores herself for as long as she is able to. She never asks any help from us either to cook for her, wash her dishes nor clean her house. She lives very independently! Pero kayo, you are all bunch of lazy creatures!

While you all sit your lazy butt out there waiting for the money we sent, we busted ours here working extra long hours so we can afford to support you. Yet you all have the audacity to request for more money to hire a maid to do the chores for you all???? GIVE ME BREAK!!! I have had enough!!! I am telling you, I am about to cut my ties with you all! You all can kiss my ass goodbye and I don’t give a damn!!

Now, tell me if I am an awful daughter/sister/aunt after all. I mean I can understand the need for having a maid at home and I don’t mind hiring a maid for my old folks if they are all disabled/handicap but for Christ’s sake, some of them out there are even stronger than me. What's even more depressing is, they don’t work—they don’t bother to find a job I would think.

I have been supporting my folks including brothers, sisters, nephews and nieces' schooling and other needs even before I met DH much more after we got married. I even bought them a tricycle to make a living out of it... at least I thought  they'll have a source of income for everyday needs but my father sold it for less the  amount I paid for it so he can show off to the whole community that he can pretty well afford to give a big wedding to his son.  I went ballistic after I found out the truth of matter but what else can I do?  

As far as I can recall, I have been helping them out financially for 17 years now!  I am just so lucky Tony is such a loving and generous husband and he understood the intention to help out… even his mom; my mother-in-law voluntarily offered to pay one of my nieces' college tuition/fees but they all seemed to take our effort for granted.

You know sometimes I feel like my very own family in the Philippines is abusing and ripping me off big time. They don't have a clue how hard it is to earn the money we sent them despite my getting on their nerves constantly. They don't listen to me... they want to believe that we are rich and that we grow money on the tree.

I am just so disappointed and frustrated with them. Now you wonder why I don’t get homesick? Sometimes I just wish I can cut them off completely in my life and move on to live a new life with my family here in the States without looking back. However, I know deep in my heart, I know that no matter how much I resent them they are still part of me--related to me by blood. They are my family but what kind of family do I have? Do they really expect me to just work and work for them? How are we going to save up for our future/retirement if we keep supporting them until such and such time? What would happen to us when we grow old and no one else is willing to help us out financially? Where are we going to get the money to live on? Now that’s a scary thought!
 

June 2, 2006 8:11 PM Friday, Jacksonville, Florida           

 

Back to School

Yup, I am back to school again! I just signed-up for two classes for summer term 2005-2006 at FCCJ Downtown.

FIN2123 - Investment/Retirement Planning and Employee Benefits

Description: This course introduces students to the application of investment planning, retirement planning and employee benefits in the personal financial planning process. It is designed to provide students with an understanding of the concepts of investment regulation, client assessment, investment theory, environment and financial markets, strategies and tactics, modern portfolio theory, integration, ethical considerations, social security and Medicare benefits, retirement plan types, qualified plan characteristics, distributions and distribution options, group insurance benefits, other employee benefits and analysis of retirement factors.

 

FIN2191 - Financial Planning and Debt Management

Description: This course introduces students to the application of the financial planning process and the management of debt to provide resources for investing for retirement, education and other long term personal financial goals.

 

My classes are scheduled from 5:30 PM to 9:15 PM twice a week; starts on Monday, June 5 and ends on August 25.

One of the good benefits I got from my government job is that they are paying 100% of my school’s tuition/fees. Heck, they even pay for Master’s and PhD's degrees but I am too chicken to even put in an application to try to get into the master's degree program.

I had started my MBA ten years ago in the Philippines and thought that wasn’t too hard but here in the States, to tell you the truth, I am so intimidated to even give it a try despite the fact that, all the undergrad classes I had have taken here in the States so far were all straight A’s; tickled to see my name in the President’s List too. NOT claiming that I am an intelligent student. I am just very diligent with my studies. Well, that’s because I regard myself as an above-average learner; enough reason not to take school for granted right? So while my classmates enjoy the luxury of time just hanging out with their troops and other social groups, I found myself in one corner studying and/or completing my homework ahead of time.

My mother-in-law’s reactions to my back to school agenda:

Mom:   Very good! I'm glad you're going back. But that makes for some very long days and not much time with Tony. I hope you've thought about that and maybe cut back on your Saturday working hours.

Rhebs: Believe me I thought about it, Mother.  I've talked with Tony too last night but he didn't think that's a problem. Tell you the truth; he enjoys his quiet time alone on Saturdays because that's the only day of the week he gets to loosen up/unwind from his stressful days at work without me bossing him around to run errands or do stuff for me. Anyway, we devoted Sunday to be the day for Church and just the two of us to enjoy each other ;-)
Now that you’ve mentioned though, I actually have been seriously contemplating to quit my part-time job at CompUSA on Saturdays because lately whenever I get off work, I feel like I am an old woman with knee problem.  I guess I can't be on my feet for 6 hours straight anymore...am getting old!  But then I enjoy this part-time job to a great extent.  It gives me a little variation from my sit-down-office-job and I get pleasure from selling computers and stuff as well as interacting with customers. So I keep thinking maybe I shouldn’t quit this job just so that I can keep my 401K with the company; make extra money to help pay for my niece and nephew's college education plus Tony can still enjoy the serenity of a bachelor life once a week ;-). What do you think? 

Mom:   Rhebs, I think what I worry about most with you is the late nights. You still have an hour drive home and then bath and etc., before you can sleep. I don't want you getting over tired and still stressed out about keeping the house clean and all of that. Let the house go a little bit and see if you can work that out. 

Rhebs: Thanks for your love and concern, Mother.  I'll go slow... my class ends on August 25 and then I'll take a break. I really do need to take these two classes to give me a head start about financial markets, investments, retirement planning and etc. You know, I always plan ahead as I look forward for a possible promotion in the near future ;-)

On the Weight Loss Program

For all you now, DH and I have been on this weight loss program for 5 months now (almost half-way through the year isn’t it?) yet we didn’t seem to accomplish a whole lot. We dropped few pounds here and there but then we gained it back that quick! It’s so frustrating sometimes but we are not giving up! We are resolute with our goal to stick with it no matter what happens.

“Stick to your workout, no matter what the scale shows. Each muscle you are building is bringing you closer to your goal”, says Clea Simon, author of “Burn Fat Now!”

"Muscles Burns Fat! Lean muscles burns as much as nine times as many calories as fat or flabby muscle. In fact, toned muscle burns 90 percent of all our calories every day. Of course, muscle also weights more than fat, which can mean that your scale disappoints you even as your exercise program kicks into gear. But your ever-looser clothes will tell you that your exercise plan is working!"

I have been working out since January although it was only in the last two months that I really started working out rigidly for an hour; 5 times a week alternately doing High-impact Aerobics, Pilates with weights and Kick Boxing.  "Rigidly" meaning I have not missed a day yet to exercise for two consecutive months.  I eat anything including carrot cake, ice cream and chocolates but I tried very hard not to over indulge with these types of food.

I don’t know. DH says I look sexier now with my toned muscles but then every time I look at the reflection of my body in the mirror, I feel like I just turned my arms and torso into a wrestler/boxer ha! I still feel heavy as you can see I didn’t drop any pound at all in the last month (I am still 120 lbs) but the irony is that I can now fit in some of my size 4 business suits ;-)

DH, on the other hand, had put on 3 lbs last month as he’s been slacking off from exercising for the past few weeks because of his job. For some reason, they’ve been slammed at the hospital last month and every time he comes home from work in the afternoon, he’s too worn out to exercise. I am just happy that now he’s back into the wagon again and started waking up at 5:00AM to work out with me rather than doing it at night.  I actually read somewhere that exercising first thing in the morning is better than exercising at night.

P.S.
Jayjay and Cheche, you got that? Uncle Tony and Aunt Rhebs work hard to earn that money you spend for your college education. I do hope you both realize that and the two of you would really make a big effort to do well in your studies and succeed in your chosen career!

 

Soul2Soul: Tim McGraw and Faith Hill Concert

Over all, the concert wasn't too bad.  Kuya Allen and I enjoyed the show but  I wasn't that much 'kilig' to the bones. Meaning Tim McGraw didn't turn me on with his music/songs hahaha  

                          Here's the photos and video I took during the concert.

On the other hand, I am really looking forward to watch Brad Paisley's concert someday. I think one of his songs (And We Danced)  would really turn me on ;-)