01 May 2006 -  Jacksonville, Florida USA 

 

Non-Stop Nagging!!!

What’s up with this Filipino mindset that all women must get married and have children otherwise their femininity and marriage are incomplete? (I say Filipino because I don’t habitually heard this nagging inquest from my Western family and friends).

I am sure most of you can relate to these never-ending insensitive questions I have had to put up with my own family and friends whenever we get see each other, chat, exchange email or talk on the phone:

When I was 18 to 31 years old, single with no boyfriend, I nearly went deaf with these non-stop indiscreet questions: “Do you have boyfriend yet? When are you going to get yourself a boyfriend?"    After I got married at 33, “Are you pregnant yet?” “When are you planning to have a baby?”  

Subsequent to my first miscarriage at aged 35: “When are you going get pregnant again? “Are you pregnant yet?” Remember, you are not getting any younger. You’ve got to do something to get pregnant again. You need to have a baby even just one!”

Oh my God! It is as if it is my own dammed choice not to get pregnant!!!

Of course they are very much aware of my case because I told them so...  I am so passionate to have children of my own so much so that I even more than willing to have two kids at the most if it is that easy for me to get pregnant but unfortunately it wasn’t....yes, people I am barren :(

Lately, the pressure is on, worse than I can ever imagine. They now go to the extreme by trying to impressively persuade me to adopt just to have a child of my own.  Another fellow blurted out, “You live in America. Why don’t you try to have a ‘test tube baby’ then?"

These folks have no clue what they were talking about.  What’s even more absurd was they make it sound like adopting a child is as easy as adopting a cat or a dog and having a ‘test tube baby’ is as simple as having your blood drawn. What were they thinking? Or do they even think before they spit words out of their mouth? No clue whatsoever!!!

Okay and just so you know at this point in time, I’d rather save our hard-earned money for our retirement than go over board to spend $25,000 to $35,000 in one shot either by trying to have a test tube baby or adopting a child so as to satisfy the implacable demands of these folks. I mean if we have that much spare money as in cash on hand to spend on, why not?  But as you all know, we work hard for a living. Judge me for being selfish if you must but I rather not have kids than seeing myself busting my ass off juggling between kids, household chores and work then still work hard until after my retirement years. Sorry, I already went through all those adversities early on in life and I know exactly how it felt to live a life of penury.  I don’t want to relive that kind of life again especially now that I am approaching the midlife phase of my existence.  Sometimes, I reckon, with 6 billion people on the planet and millions of famished children all over the world, I no longer in dire need for that number to grow even more.

While I concurred with most, if not all couples, who see children as a complete joy, a priceless gift – as they truly are but having children either by birth or adoption do not always equate or guarantee happiness or completeness of being a woman/wife. Not all infertile women are miserable! 

There is life and joy for not having kids after all. Well, I suppose this testimony is more prevalent to those couples who remained childless-by-choice but somehow, part of me is in exultation for not having kids because then I get to live a more spontaneous lifestyle than one that is planned all the time when you have children. There are countless of couples/wives out there that are, without a doubt, happier despite not having children. I am content and happy with my marriage regardless and that’s all that matters to me. I believe DH and I are meant to be together ‘just the two of us’ till death do us part. Ain't that Sweet? :-)

I hope you folks out there would stop telling me what to do.  Just STOP nagging me would you?  I repeat, we have no plan whatsoever to adopt a child nor any intention to try to have a test tube baby. If it happens, it happens. If not, well then tough luck!  Maybe I am not fit to be a mother. Who knows?? Heck, I am not going to stress out myself with it because I know that won’t do me any good. I intend to live a much happier life. Thank you very much :-)

Anyhow, whenever my ‘baby paroxysm’ kicks in, I just indulge myself with baby-sitting friends’ children. Like last Sunday, I offered to baby-sit Will (Bill and Marie's 14 month old son). We had fun…  I took him to the mall later that afternoon and he had a ball playing with other kids in the playground while Bill and Marie went for a romantic date ;-).   At the end of the day, I had enough and I get to turn in the kid back to his parents.